and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
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I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.