and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
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I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
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You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.