uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
