It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps