still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.