I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk