what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.