everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?