I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does