i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.