sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you