So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.