I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are