I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I want to walk on stilts...naked
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me