We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I want to walk on stilts...naked
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At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.