My Higher Power is John Stamos
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes