Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen