I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
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as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
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Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment