I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"