there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
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Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
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You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem