The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
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Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
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I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....