i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think my vagina is haunted
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed