after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.