I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
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Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
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She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.