He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.