Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
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She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
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I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.