I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
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Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
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Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?