I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.