my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.