fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
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i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down