Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed