im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.