Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages