Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.