before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?