I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink