you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.