Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (516)

Last Night in New York (516)

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Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.

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(516): Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet. http://tfl.nu/uizc

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Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"

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(516): Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night" http://tfl.nu/00ak

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I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.

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(516): I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are. http://tfl.nu/mo3l

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We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL

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(516): We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL http://tfl.nu/hj1k

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today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.

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(516): today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror. http://tfl.nu/6dpn

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Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA

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(516): Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA http://tfl.nu/40i2

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I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight

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(516): I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight http://tfl.nu/tjyz

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We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.

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(516): We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark. http://tfl.nu/w4xu

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Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.

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(516): Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips. http://tfl.nu/dsdr

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YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.

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(516): YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test. http://tfl.nu/ods7

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No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.

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(516): No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it. http://tfl.nu/ephi

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Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.

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(516): Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram. http://tfl.nu/54ok

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On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.

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(516): On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER. http://tfl.nu/qydu

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Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time

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An adult?

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(516): Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time (917): An adult? http://tfl.nu/ka62

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Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?

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(516): Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep? http://tfl.nu/76br

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Last Night in New York (516)

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