I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.