I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.