i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee