Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.