When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.