I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella