the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
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Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
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Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it