One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem