sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I spit up blood this morning
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"