My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
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Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
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Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.