I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I spit up blood this morning
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.