If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.