I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I spit up blood this morning
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.