I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?