It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
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Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
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There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.