you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
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she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin