For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
porn star boner night. come get it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."