we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
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I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
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Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.