I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected