Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.