I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one