I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.