There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.