This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
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Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
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while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.