There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go