I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney