My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
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There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
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stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...