I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me