i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET