i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"