so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.