Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
