You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.