im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK