My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her