dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.