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You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just threw up on my dentist
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I puked a lego.
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