Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.