Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
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It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
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He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.