dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.