I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
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I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker