YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.