Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.