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Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
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