I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.