In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.