I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
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Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
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He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK