I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.