Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.