Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Washington (206)

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  Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.

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  That would've been embarrassing.

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  (419): Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night. (206): That would've been embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/nb0e
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  He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.

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  (206): He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober. http://tfl.nu/q7n9
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  You have to summon your inner elephant

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  (206): You have to summon your inner elephant http://tfl.nu/wpzr
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  I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.

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  (206): I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous. http://tfl.nu/0ln2
  Replies (7) Good night (2404) Bad night (274)
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  I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.

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  (206): I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family. http://tfl.nu/468g
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  Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.

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  (206): Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning. http://tfl.nu/yefg
  Replies (2) Good night (657) Bad night (270)
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  My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating

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  (206): My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating http://tfl.nu/ns48
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  Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.

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  That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.

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  (206): Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night. (1-206): That is the scariest sentence I have ever read. http://tfl.nu/zqtn
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  You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.

  (360): View more from Washington

  1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you

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  (206): You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits. (360): 1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you http://tfl.nu/1254
  Replies (9) Good night (2160) Bad night (263)
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  I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.

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  (206): I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart. http://tfl.nu/h3lf
  Replies (4) Good night (847) Bad night (231) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.

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  so that's what that room is for...

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  (253): she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows. (206): so that's what that room is for... http://tfl.nu/5gyi
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.

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  (206): I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it. http://tfl.nu/fi43
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  (206): View more from Washington

  there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'

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  (206): there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn' http://tfl.nu/cuy3
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  (206): View more from Washington

  No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.

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  (206): No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt. http://tfl.nu/84n0
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  (206): View more from Washington

  As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.

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  (206): As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light. http://tfl.nu/6mx3
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